My poor husband.  He had to deal with me having a major breakdown yesterday, over something I’ve struggled with for a while.  I have debated whether to post about this in the past, and have, until now, decided not to – not because I am too embarrassed or proud to admit that I struggle with it, but because its nature is such that I have been concerned about giving the world an easy opening to say, “See, I told you God’s way doesn’t work.”  But, you know, maybe somebody just needs to say it, because surely I can’t be the only one.  So, here goes…

I don’t like my job.  I want to, but I don’t.  When the world says that being a homemaker is “not fulfilling,” they’re right – at least partially.  (See, this is the part that makes me nervous to post.)  It is not fulfilling to do something one is not good at.  So, while homemaking can be very fulfilling for those who are well-fitted to the role, it is not fulfilling for all of us – at least not for a while.  But that really isn’t the point.

I’m not a homemaker because it’s “fulfilling”; I’m a homemaker because it’s right. I absolutely, positively, believe 100% that this is what God has called me to do.  Titus 2 says that older women are to teach younger women to be homemakers, so that God’s Word is not blasphemed.  We are not just to do some homemaking, we are to be homemakers.  That is, our homes and our formation of them should define us.  That does not exclude ever doing anything outside of the four walls of our house, but it does exclude making our primary role something else.  (Please consider as you read this that I do not have to work.  My husband pays our bills.  If you are the breadwinner because you’re all there is in your house, then obviously you do what you need to do to feed yourself and your little ones!)

Paul’s instructions for what criteria to use to determine who is a “widow indeed” gives us a pretty clear picture of what a godly woman is expected to do with her life.  In summary, we should run our homes, raise our children, and provide the hospitality and service that only a home/household can effectively provide.

I feel like we as women are limited.  Men are to provide for their families, but there are hundreds, if not thousands, of different ways to do that.  Women – all of us – are to keep our homes, raise their children, and provide hospitality.

And I’m not good at those things.  I can clean, and I can cook.  But on the same day?  That’s a struggle.  Then you throw my children into the mix and I’m a real mess.  Apparently, I’m not capable of training my children and… (Go ahead and fill in the blank with any other household task.  …and cleaning.   …and keeping a tidy house.  …and cooking.  Whatever.  Any of them fit.)

Anyway, my point here is not a pity party.  The point is honesty.  I cannot be the only one who struggles.  But as Christians, we can’t encourage and help one another if we don’t know what the struggles are.  And we sure can’t help other women to do the right thing if we’re pretending it’s the easy thing.  For me, this is not the easy thing; it’s the hard thing.  But it’s the right thing.  How many Christian women are holding outside jobs at least in part because, as the Church, we don’t have any kind of support network for those who are “not cut out for” homemaking, so they’re either scared to try or have given up?  We need to take care of each other: to appreciate one another, to help each other, to encourage each other, and we can only do that if we’re really honest.

So there you go.  Here’s me, in all my ugly transparency.
And with much trepidation I will hit “post.”